Tuesday. May 3, 2016

I have had an interesting day, a stressful day but in the end, a day to be thankful for.

I tend to analyse my thoughts a lot .  At one point I noticed my thoughts were all sped up and began to not make sense; so I let them go past, just listening to them and after awhile they slowed down all by themselves.

Because of the drug withdrawals, I sometimes think there are two of me; and I talk to another person.  These thoughts are sometimes very hurtful, calling me names, using swear words.  Sometimes they are loving words .  I therefore find it difficult to trust my thoughts.  I feel like I have to defend myself.  It can be very distressing. and distracting.  Today I could  consciously change who or what my thoughts represent.  When I say you are drugs, my thoughts start talking like they are drugs.  I can physically feel a change within my head from one part to another.  A few weeks ago the burning intensity was almost overwhelming, today it has been more of a pressure.   I feel like the withdrawals are getting less severe.

I received a Priesthood Blessing some time ago in which the Lord councelled me to do research to learn how to improve my health.  I have since learned that taking essential amino acids and non-essential amino acids along with 8,000 I.U. Vitamin D improves brain health.  I have been taking these for about a month now and the symptoms are lessening.  I still have seizure like movements and sensitive hearing, but the seizures are less severe and last shorter.  I believe the seizures are from long term use of the psychiatric drugs.  I see the doctor on Thursday about the seizures.

By the end of the day I was feeling very overwhelmed from battling with my thoughts and feeling almost despondent.  Doral and I were at the show and I wanted badly to enjoy the show without the interferring thoughts.  I prayed to my Father in Heaven and it didn’t take long before the thoughts stopped and I was able to concentrate on the show and had an enjoyable time.

My Journey Off Psychiatric Drugs

I began taking psychiatric drugs in 1981 after the death of my stillborn baby girl.  At the time I didn’t know about hormone imbalances and the changes that can bring in the way of thoughts and feelings.  Yes, I was depressed, after all I had just lost a child.  The decision I made over 30 years ago has been devastating to my life and the life of my family.

The doctors back then told me once on antidepressants, I needed to be on them for life and I didn’t question that opinion for many years.  The side effects from the drugs ranged from intense anxiety, agitation, night terrors, to insomnia, and weight gain.Some even made the depression worse. Lets just say I experienced every side effect in the book.    I have been hospitalized over seven times , which took me away from my husband leaving him to tend to my children.  In total I have been on 30 different drugs.

To get me through this time in my life I clung to my faith in Jesus Christ.

My journey off psychiatric drugs began in 2011 when a doctor recognized that I didn’t need the medications I was on which was five of them at the time.  I was hospitalized and taken off three of them.  I tried to come off the antidepressant later , but was not successful because of the withdrawal symptoms.  I decided to discontinue the antipsychotic in 2014 which I had been put on to help me come off an anti-anxiety medication.  I did this by myself with the knowledge of my general practitioner.  It took me over one year to do so.

The following posts will be about my experiences I have and will have as I try to become drug free.