Tuesday. May 3, 2016

I have had an interesting day, a stressful day but in the end, a day to be thankful for.

I tend to analyse my thoughts a lot .  At one point I noticed my thoughts were all sped up and began to not make sense; so I let them go past, just listening to them and after awhile they slowed down all by themselves.

Because of the drug withdrawals, I sometimes think there are two of me; and I talk to another person.  These thoughts are sometimes very hurtful, calling me names, using swear words.  Sometimes they are loving words .  I therefore find it difficult to trust my thoughts.  I feel like I have to defend myself.  It can be very distressing. and distracting.  Today I could  consciously change who or what my thoughts represent.  When I say you are drugs, my thoughts start talking like they are drugs.  I can physically feel a change within my head from one part to another.  A few weeks ago the burning intensity was almost overwhelming, today it has been more of a pressure.   I feel like the withdrawals are getting less severe.

I received a Priesthood Blessing some time ago in which the Lord councelled me to do research to learn how to improve my health.  I have since learned that taking essential amino acids and non-essential amino acids along with 8,000 I.U. Vitamin D improves brain health.  I have been taking these for about a month now and the symptoms are lessening.  I still have seizure like movements and sensitive hearing, but the seizures are less severe and last shorter.  I believe the seizures are from long term use of the psychiatric drugs.  I see the doctor on Thursday about the seizures.

By the end of the day I was feeling very overwhelmed from battling with my thoughts and feeling almost despondent.  Doral and I were at the show and I wanted badly to enjoy the show without the interferring thoughts.  I prayed to my Father in Heaven and it didn’t take long before the thoughts stopped and I was able to concentrate on the show and had an enjoyable time.

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